| Update . . its been a while |
[Sep. 24th, 2007|12:06 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody | ] |
So it has been a very long time since I last updated. And a lot has changed. I’ve graduated High School, I’m working a stable job as a house painter with this really nice old man, Bruce, we’re working in West Seattle right now. Currently I only really hang out with Billy, occasionally Shager and that whole crowd, and of course the few friends I have left back at Shorecrest. But these days I pretty much keep to myself, playing World of Warcraft and Wii, it’s solitary but I like it like that.
I have never been a social person, I always liked to spend my time inside playing legos and watching TV, flipping on the Nintendo or Sega occasionally but rarely going outside to play with other kids or just go outside at all. My parents spoiled me a bit, my mom was practically my slave throughout elementary school and I am ashamed of doing that to her, she has been a wonderful mother and I love her. I have never had more than 3 good friends at any given time . . there was a point I had many friends, but none of them knew me nor did I know them well enough.
Anyways, I have come to realize that as a teenager in high school I made a lot more mistakes than I should have. If I wasn’t bitching to the few friends nice enough to listen, I was creating drama over juvenile things or doing something pointless. My lack of understanding of social behavior and my own emotions drove many people away and later abuse of Marijuana pushed practically everyone out of my life. And yes, I still smoke pot, and no, I still don’t understand people or socializing very well. I am not proud of many of the things I did, but the mistakes and plunders I made then make me who I am now, and for that I am not ashamed. No one will ever have a life story like mine, and that is something I can be proud of.
I am a different person now, last winter I broke my foot severely and was bedridden for 3 months, and I’ll tell ya, three months of doing nothing will change anyone’s life view. I'm still pretty much the same Erik, just much less bitchy and moany and emo, I've finally grown out of that stupid 'woe is me' shit. Given I still haven’t beaten depression completely or found true direction in my life, I have goals and dreams that are realistic and achievable, no more hopeless, romantic, idealistic crap. My views on religion and politics have changed, no more of that wicca and anarchy bull, I like nature and all and concider natural icons divine much more than the god of the nation. Government is a terrible thing but civilization and society is dependant on it, without it we are pathetic creatures, but with it we are corrupt beings, its kind of a lose - lose situation, but the organized manner is much more profitable and trendy. Oh, and I'm a big cynic, if ya couldn't tell.
Here’s what I want to do with my life: Join the Coast Guard in order to appease my personal moral obligation to earn my civil rights as an American and citizen. Create lots of nifty things with clay and metal, I am an artist and sculpture is my medium, I would like to develop this a great deal. I want a family at some point, no rush for that. To live in Alaska or another arctic, mountainous region has always been a dream, I will try and be stationed in Alaska with the Coast Guard, hopefully that’ll fly. I want to be involved in politics, perhaps not as a leader but definitely somewhere where I can change things, help people live better, somehow. I want to be a teacher, too, I’m not sure of what, maybe history or something in that line, social studies or art for sure.
Um, what else is there to update on . . I got a tattoo, its the scorpio symbol (the one in my icon) and I plan on getting my Eyebrow pierced soon as well. I’ve been single for almost a year now, had a small fling in the beginning of August but have had pretty much 0 luck with the ladies. That has always bugged me, I am insecure about companionship, codependent maybe, but it has become much less of an issue to my persona, all desires can be silenced and none should obstruct ones personality to the extent that it used to with me. I let my inner child (aka: inner whiney bitch) get the best of me but I beat that fucking infant and tossed his ass outside.
Life has been pretty good to me, since I woke up and noticed that it has something to offer, I just have to stop waiting for it and get it myself. As of late work has been rough and I was hoping to get a few classes at SCC but never signed up cause I got lazy, but a bit more time off school might be good. I’m gunna be moving in to an apartment on 15th with Billy sometime after my birthday and will be holding off on that whole Coast Guard life commitment thing for another year. I’ve got the rest of my life ahead of me, a little while to enjoy my youth wouldn’t hurt, I’m not doing any drugs harder than weed and the occasional drink, I’m in excellent shape (even running a few times a week) and in my prime. I am currently in between milestones right now, graduating and getting a job then moving out that is. And I’m actually optimistic about the future, my own and others ? it’s good.
I’ll probably be updating more, it’s nice to just . . write. I do so much thinking its relieving to spill something, even if it is on an internet journal. |
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| $%@!! |
[Jun. 30th, 2007|04:03 am] |
| [ | music |
| | People being people | ] |
Fuck my luck.
I swear I'm cursed.
Grrrrr!! |
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| Boring |
[Mar. 28th, 2007|10:59 pm] |
I am enjoying life quite a bit, having a lot of fun playing video games and doing nothing... but thats nothing new than what i've done all my life and the ideas building up in my head are overwhelming me. But I cant find the modivation to actually do anything about it.
I did, finally, after a lot of wasted time, get community service stuff set up for the last 38 hours I need...by april 30th, ugh. Sr Project is all done, just wating on panels, that should be fun. School is very lame, especially when 90% of the people you hang out with on a regular basis aren't in school. Fuck the education system.
Much time has been spent refining my stand on things and beliefs. I dont like how the world is run, I want to change it...for now all I can do is try and help one person at a time get over something that hurts them. Im trying to inspire people more...get em thinking, I hope I really have helped.
It's late now, I should go to bed. Goddamn Highschool! |
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| Self censoring will now begin |
[Jan. 25th, 2007|12:10 am] |
Looking back...I was a bit harsh. Very harsh, irrational and foolish. What can I say...I got cought up in the writting and focussed on all the negativity on the subject, turning possibility to fact and rumors to truth. . . . My bad.
I fucked up again, the message I thought I was displaying was overruled by a mess of anger. I disagree with what many people out there do, especially when it comes to objectifying other people in any way, degrading them and disprespecting them, and when someone I know quite well continuously does these things it..I dunno, I feel some obligation to express my objection to their behavior, but this is by far the worst medium to express anything other than angsty, over dramatic updates on life and random, pointless opinions.
There will be no more of these such entries, I wont ever openly critisize any single person or group of persons known directly by anyone. Er...I wont slander anyone that matters, somethin like that. Rants on Bush or some douche like that dont count are fine, but if its somone people know personally, and I have a very strong opinion towards, then my mouth is fucking shut. If there is some kind of issue between me and anyone, it will be, as far as my power allows, between me and them. |
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| goddamn foot |
[Dec. 19th, 2006|09:09 am] |
so im off to surgury. i'll be gone till thursday. able to see visiters on wednesday though *hinthint*
wish me luck. |
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| 6 days |
[Nov. 6th, 2006|07:14 am] |
wow...in six days i will be a responcible adult. only i can be accountable for my actions, no more blaming parents or having scapegoats, no more childish immaturity, i'll be able to vote and tried as an adult...not to mention buy cigarettes, porn and parephenelia. oh, and get tattoos and my own piercings, yay! im very excited for that. almost as excited as i am for friday, da party. everyone* is welcome and no gifts are necessary, your simple pressence is more than enough to please me. but if you feel the need to do anything, a couple bucks for the tattoo would be greatly appreciated since i know some of you wont listen to the no gift policy. thanks.
i had a long weekend, played way too much risk. 11 hours. is about 7 hours too long for anything. i dont ever wanna see a world map or roman numerals again. oh hey, its raining...whend that happen? well i guess with the whole winter thing the rain kinda comes...but g2g. shit, bye. |
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| not good |
[Nov. 1st, 2006|05:04 pm] |
i do not feel well, not well at all. physically. mentally. emotionally. im just in the shits. i think im getting sick, been coughing and sneezing a lot and my sinuses are clogged, which makes for an obnoxiously runny nose, bleh. i relapsed again last night, halloween, its really hard to turn it down when all of your closest friends are around you doing it, i wish i was stronger, but im not giving up hope. and last but most certainly not least, things are still very confused, i dont know whats happening or what has happened or what will happen, but i do know if something doesnt happen soon im not going to be able to make things happen later, yeah...confusing for those of you that dont know the whole story, and its like that for a reason. but im really down still, very unwanted, neglected, unloved, feeling ugly, stupid, hated, its not cool and im all emo and shit because of it.
im filming for my little movie tomarrow, that might be fun...or it could be really stressful, we shall see. blah. i had a whole bunch more to say but i got a killer headache and stomach ache and grrr, body hates me. so i guess thats all for now. later. |
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| Politics |
[Oct. 21st, 2006|06:06 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Gorillaz - Sound Check (Gravity) [Mix] | ] |
( Long rant ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 12th, 2006|12:43 pm] |
hey assholes.
stop arguing an idea. there is no point in fighting opinions and beliefs, only enlightening those who have them, so stop being bitches, dont be rude, and fucking talk to one another rather than verbally assaulting anyone who has an opposing view on something.
simone and adrian, your thoughts are good, but please state them a bit more politely and less attacking, we arent arguing, we are learning. |
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| Why Anarchy |
[Sep. 11th, 2006|07:47 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | Pink Floyd - Brain Damage | ] |
It is our government that has failed us; the very machine we created to avoid lies, prevent corruption and end a reign of greed has become just that. It has become something to be feared, an entity that strikes down all that oppose it, destroys anything different and strange, often in the name of a deity not all of it’s occupants believe in. Calling for equality and justice for all…who pledge themselves to a lying, cheating nation
We are not ruled by a man, he is but a monkey pushing buttons on the machine of culture. The administration he picked is but a sham, individuals working for personal political gain, McCarthyists and thieves. They use our resources under our nose and overcharge what is left over from monstrous research programs towards better weaponry, better ways to wage war.
The businesses we rely on rely on us even more to give into their plots of commercialization, selling us poor grade products at high-grade prices. They fill our produce with chemicals and hormones used to develop the plant or animal faster and fatter. Sales are used to give us a false security of savings, while the corporations are raking in millions from our gullibility and willingness to waste hard earned money on trivial equipment and useless possessions.
Schools are used to lead us into a consumer life, a life spent in front of televisions working low wages because it is what is given to us by the system. We are educated only as much as the government sees fit, any other schooling, any more learning comes with a price. But the real jobs, the highest paying and most comfortable of labor comes not from construction, not farming, not real work, but from watching it all be done. The richest and most powerful men got to where they are because they wanted more and would do anything they could to get it, even at the expense of worker’s or consumer’s health.
Democracy died long ago. Voting does no more than placing your candidates sign on a lawn, it is all for show. The election that put the monkey we hate into power was rigged, there is no question. Florida voted for Gore, not this shrub of a man, but our electoral college made the real decision; it was our state representatives that failed us all, not that scrotum of a state.
Now the question, is there any way to change this corrupted system of hate? But of course. As the late, great, fictional hero of mine, Tyler Durden once said, “it is only after we have lost everything that we are free to do anything.” Which simply means that in order to progress our society, our culture, our way of life any higher, we must tear it down. Anarchy.
After the dictators of our nation have been silenced, once cows eat nothing but grass, stores sell food with nothing but food in it, money is a minor tool and not as important as water and air, when houses and clothes reflect the owner rather than the creator, when we can learn, say and do anything, anytime, anywhere, then we will be great. Then we will be complete and worthy of being the strongest nation on this planet, until then we are weak, we are ignorant and we are pawns.
Feel free to comment on anything you agree/disagree with, anything i might have missed or whatever you might think. But dont you dare tell me i am wrong, these are MY views, MY opinions, though time might change them, no one has the right to deny them. |
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| my goddamn aunt - a poem by erik norem |
[Sep. 4th, 2006|04:26 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | outside | ] |
| [ | music |
| | crazy bitch talking about old books | ] |
it was late at night, i sat and watched,
infomercials on roll-on grass;
when my channel surfing was interupted,
by the crash of broken glass.
i took a glane down the hall,
only to stop and stare.
holy crap my fucking aunt,
fell down the goddamn stairs.
thirteen bottles of pills she brought,
to knock her ass to bed;
she awoke half way through a window,
with birds chirping around her head.
next time i hope she downs them all,
so i dont have to hear her dramatic tales;
about her adventures in lala land,
and detailed graphics of her entrails. |
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| do you really have nothing better to do? |
[Jun. 4th, 2006|11:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | tool, as always | ] |
goddamnit leave me alone.
why are people all of a sudden so fuckin worried about me? things are fine, maybe a bit fucked up but they always are and i am dealing with shit better now than ever. so why the concern when things are good and not when they were bad? wtf? it doesnt make any sense...ah!
and you, fuck off! i have not said anything to or about you in weeks, i hate you, you hate me, we disagree with everything, leave it at that and shut up. yeah, i smoke weed, thats no secret, though it is a problem, but everyone has problems, complaining about it and stating that they are bad people because of it fixes nothing. if you could just shut the hell up now and get out of my life which you ditest so much, that would be great, and i will let you be and you can fuck all the minors you want.
now that thats done with, im going to go do some homework and yard work and shit so i can have freedoms again. later
-papa smurf |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 23rd, 2006|11:01 pm] |
is it just me or do things seem to be really crappy today?
and im pretty sure im fucking everything up...again. grr.
oh, and that post directed towards adrian is now unlocked, i forgot about the comment thing, but its fixed now.
it needs to be friday.
goodnight. |
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| bubble bobble |
[May. 23rd, 2006|06:59 am] |
ok, so im going to my first rave on friday. stayin clean for it, i can roll any other time or smoke whenever, dont need no narcotics to have fun. but im sad right now, i lost my kandi, as much as i dislike the ravers that wear the beads up and down their arms and everywhere else, it is kinda cool to have a little thing you made yourself, or one you got from someone awesome.
however, i have encountered a problem with this rave...i have no ride to it. rogers workin on gettin my ticket, cause hes cool, so i can get in, i just cant get there...help! megan is there any room left in your car? god, is ed takin ya there? tom? anyone?
i love my hair, its all purpley right now but still friggen awesome, the colors are never quite the same depending on the light. tonight im gunna wash it and the purple will fade to blue and hopefully be even better. i got lotsa compliments and only a few insults, one by some preppy bitch i dont even know, i really felt like tripping her.
oh, whose going to folklife? cause im thinkin i might spend the entire weekend there...although i've said that about everything and only lasted 1 day, but eh, i might actually go all 3 days i can (as much as i want to, cant go friday). but yeah, who be goin and would ya like to meet up with me?
now tis time to go, gotta wake shagers redneck ass up and get to school. later. |
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| adrian drama |
[May. 21st, 2006|11:22 am] |
ok, so heres my side of what the hell is going on:
i dislike adrian, he has been mostly rude to me except at hotwire, and im not sure why that is but i suspect deception. he and his friends have been insulting me for a long time now and i have struck back, but this argument over nothing continues, and i have given the argument a point. my intent is this, get adrian off of his throne, hes no better than anyone else, he may have a high vocabulary and an intelect of twelve and a half midgets (which is pretty friggen high even though they are short). I would like to explain the rumors he and many other people have heard first hand rather than this chiain of diluted truths and false events. so all adrian has to do is let me explain shit and he is more than welcome to state what happened with the rumors i have heard. simle as that and i completely ignore his livejournal and i expect he will do the same.
that is all.
in other news, gettin my hair dyed today, FINALLY! blue. sweet. shall be awesome.
and im now gettin paid $10 an hour to do yard work instead of the less-than-minimum-wage sum of $7. kenji and i transplanted 4 plants yesterday and got $20, its pretty cool. so now im going to eat my breakfast and then go shopping and get some new clothes and hair. later. |
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| might as well... |
[May. 19th, 2006|07:17 pm] |
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Comments are screened. If you've ever had a smidgen of a crush on me, or need to tell me anything, feel free to comment below. I won't mock you, and only you and I will ever know. Then post it in your own LJ. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 3rd, 2006|04:12 pm] |
i tore a ligament in my left leg. i cant run for 2 weeks :( now how the fuck am i gunna get places? walking hurts like a bitch, i limp a little and stairs are impossible. i think i tore it saturday night when i sprinted to kellogg from kegans house.
and thank you mormon for the advise, it made me think. im not really all that comfortable with myself, and i gotta change that. need something to do also, and something to be proud of, cause so far im just another guy, i cant do anything spectacularly awesome or even remotely cool, its kinda sad. so, my mission for anytime after this week (i am swamped with homework and drama) is to look for more jobs, dye my hair (maybe, need job first, they might not like that..so yeah) get ears peirced, learn more songs with da bass, work more with clay, find another hobby and learn how to be comfortable with myself.
oh, i found somethin pretty sweet, TOOL! they kick ass, totally my kinda music, how did i not hear them before!? i must learn how to play like they do, its amazing.
well, i gotsta go to my therapist now, got a whole buncha new things to tell him...*sigh* grr to drama! later |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 2nd, 2006|09:54 pm] |
life is getting more and more confusing by the minute.
why cant i have some normal friends :-P
*edit* scratch normal, replace with 'less fucked up/insane' you literal bastards. |
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| THANKS DAD! |
[May. 1st, 2006|06:01 am] |
i wake up late, hes still in the fucking shower, i sleep in another 10 minutes and hes finally done, take my shower, get out and heres dad holding my progress report from US history. its not even SEVEN O'CLOCK! and hes already fucking bitching at me for having a C- and not a goddamn A.
FUCK YOU! does he not fucking realize that no matter what HE does, it wont have any major impact on the amount of homework i do or dont do!? its something I have to do because its MY homework and MY goddamn life! AAAH!
things just keep falling more and more apart and i dont even know where to begin puting them back together. i do the right thing and turn around and theres a knife in my back. i try and make things work with school but its just not enough, the only way he'll ever get off my fucking back is with a 4.0, and there is no way in hell thats going to happen, so FUCK HIM! i barely want to even complete highschool, let alone my classes.
on top of all that my belt broke so i have to fucking duct tape it back together. what a wonderful way to start your day :D
fuck off. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 28th, 2006|06:40 am] |
two kinda interesting things happened yesterday...and these bagels are increadibly stale, ew....but the things, yes. first i saw i ghost. on the bus ride to school i looked out the window like usual and at this one corner i saw a boy in a gray shirt with kinda a fro thing goin on staring at those metal guard rails holding somethin in his hand, he just kinda sat there. then i asked corry what he thought about this kid staring and standing and he replied 'what kid?' i looked back and he was gone. which makes me either schitsophrenic, or hes a ghost/ninja.
then on my way walking home from the mall i spotted a dog half way up the hill just wonderin around, so i caught her and read her tags, called the number and heres the convorsation i had with the owner (im in caps) "hello? HI I HAVE YOUR DOG. really, where? CORNER OF 284th STREET AND 47th AVE. oh, just down there? well let her go, she'll find her way home, bye." and he hung up. wonder why the dog left? hmm, thats a real toughy.
i wonder what im doing tonight...i got 3 movies to watch and no one to watch them with :'( oh wait! cept for megan, yay megan! i miss that girl, barely see her anymore, tis sad. hmm, come to think of it i miss a lot of people. emi, anna, olivia, shawndea, mormon, devin, keith, tanner, havent really hung out with any of those people in a while, emi and tanner more recently than the rest, but dont ever really see the others.
well ima go throw away these nasty ass bagels...so disapointing, i was hoping for breakfast and got a hard chunk of bread covered in cheese. later. |
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hexadude's journal